so let me do a brief overview of europe.
LONDON: Cecilia met me in london (from stockholm) with her friend Manfred. she wrapped this gift for me in swedish newspaper with a photo of britney spears-bald.framed in silver heart shaped tape. ready?
these photos were taken on my camera phone. dont know if you can read the instructions. basically they took a kids memory game and changed every photo in the box to matching vaginas. haha HOT HOT SEX. and all of the instructions were changed to make reference to cunts in really poor english. perhaps one of the best gifts ive ever been given! hahaha. ahhhhmazing.
we went to see crystal castles. tried pregaming. an 1/8th of vodka in london goes for around $18 kids.. unreal. we went and drank in the bar. cecilia/manfred:
we met some hot little boys and stickered them tbg. here's one of them:
we talked to this boy from boston who told us about 3 story party at scala that new young pony club was supposedly djing at. witha £10 ($20+) baha...efff that. he suggested that we try to drop ben rayners (as in the London vice photographer-ben rayner) name for a cheap list. I did so. turned on the charm. and convinced the promoter to give me two free passes and two for £5/ea. bwaha. went inside 9 djs per level. 3 levels. it was intense as hell. they were selling helium balloons. barely 18 yr old hipsters were overreacting to the placebos. we tried them regardless just to say we did. bore. music was wild. twas getting late and we weren't gonna drink anymore. tiyad betches. so we left and went home. took us like 45 minutes to hail a black cab. nightmares. that city rrrrraped me f financially. but I scored a lot of hot shoes. about 8 pairs.
another night after the swedes left, d and I went to durrr. was alright. lines for drinks were obscene. door people were rude as hell. we ended up getting drunk but not until the end of the night when it was time to leave. the wind at that circle by the end beat the hell out of my nose.
deanna tried whoring me out to the sales clerks at a convenience shop on the way back to jordans (deanna's uncle) by telling them that I'd dance for them if he'd sell her alcohol after hours.. motherfucker. I then went home and drunk video chatted with barb and nectar and crew. then woke up jordan and he scolded deanna. and then she tried strangling me in my sleep. fucking psycho.BERLIN: stumbled upon a bottle of absinthe. my ignorant ass had to ask the cashier to explain the process in broken English. he did so. graciously gifted two special absinthe "spoons." deanna and I spent the remainder of that evening searching desperately for sugar cubes.
(good thing we used like 4 out of a box of 70) and successfully we returned to our.. APARTMENT 
(yes apt. they upgraded our hostel to a full apt at no additional charge. <33333 berlin) with a full box of them and realized we didn't even possess shot glasses. so we busted out the smallest glasses we could find. 
it started to get to the point where I was chugging it straight from the bottle. tastes like licorice, p.s. deanna and I left an outlet adapter in london so we couldnt plug in my powerbook to listen to music. so all we had was our ipod a headphone splitter and two pairs of headphones.. we worked with what we had. played a mix of dance songs. prepped for a night out in berlin. deanna leaves to pee, and I recall grabbing my two half eaten bagels, a bottle of champagne that I was chasing the absinthe with, a can of pringles, a container of cream cheese, my ipod and phone and sneaking up into my top bunk away from deanna because she wanted to go out and I was too trashed to exist. I remember her ass crawling up there shaking me and I was a total corpse.I woke up the next morning in a confused laughter went and looked in the mirror and all I saw was this
and screaming to deanna "I JUST LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND ALL I SAW WAS THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAMN.... AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN MADE IT TO PARIS YET" man we didn't make it out that day til like 4 pm.. haha god damnit. we never made it to white trash fast food either.. so in a panic to rush in the last minute tourism stops, I mapped out the ultimate tour. and we successfully hit everything major except the INSIDE of the jewish museum. it otay. Ill see you again, berlin..ahhh Ill update later. gotta leave work now.
